Leave the Happiness Waiting Room and Get Clear on Defining Happy Now
In our pursuits of _____... (you can literally fill in the blank with whatever you aspire to next), we often equate aspirations with the final happiness destination. For example, there’s a belief that if we gain a more prestigious career, a slimmer waistline, or more money in the bank, that happiness would surely arrive. This waiting room thought process is the culprit for why people remain at jobs they hate, try diet plans that rob them of life’s joy, and feel completely unsatisfied with how their time is being spent. It’s also a foundational element of why people don’t stick to the routines and habits that would help them achieve these “happiness milestones”.
If one were to build the house of happiness, the largest space would be the waiting room.
- Jules Renard
The reality is that many of these pursuits are often driven by external influences. What are the true drivers of our aspirations? Did we want that new car because of what it means to us or what image it portrays of our station in life? Getting clear on why we desire certain things is one of the first steps to identifying where our true happiness resides. Moving towards any goal with a sense of purpose will illuminate our internal values. What you truly value will be apparent in your habits. Do we really value healthy living, or do we only value the benefits that healthy living provides? Sometimes it’s hard to see the distinction but if the thought of a consistent workout schedule, a balanced nutrient-rich diet, and mindfulness tactics seem unappealing, healthy living may not be our core drivers. And that’s ok. What we’ve discovered is that we will have to make sacrifices for the true goal. This acknowledgment is the beginning of a deeper journey in understanding how to use our impulses in our favor.
The greatest realization is that there is always a tradeoff for our wants and desires and the acceptance of what we are giving up is how we discover true happiness. For example, if we value parenthood and decide to care for children, we know that there will be parts of our lives that we must sacrifice to nurture that goal. Like a spontaneous schedule, sleeping in late, or only having to consider our own needs. The acceptance of those sacrifices makes it easier to enjoy the process and avoid internal resentment. We often make the unfounded assumption that a life without struggle, is a happy life but, people all over the world are defining happiness on their own terms. The perpetual quest for happiness may be related to a lack of purpose. I believe that living the life – and the struggle - that we choose is how we find happiness. This self-agency will quickly help us identify the defining characteristics of our own happiness and the path we should take to get there.
I had a conversation with friends about the expectations we set for ourselves that typically have no merit. What came to mind was the timing in which women “snapped back” from pregnancy, masking our mental health challenges, or not discussing financial goals with our core groups. The trend is that there is some trophy that we will receive if we were the exception to life’s rules. We’ve worn these “accomplishments” like a badge of honor but then gain nothing tangible from them. I then asked a simple question that put things into perspective for me… “what are we training for?” Is life more worthwhile if we only experience the cookie-cutter version of it? If we can release the dominance of external influences, we may be able to find our happiness now.
Starting today, get clear on your purpose for every decision, define and accept your sacrifices, and use that as a launching pad to set and achieve future goals.